you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is my gift to your gina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
