I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
