Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
