What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't deserve a penis
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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