marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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