I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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