Who wears a wallet chain?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
