Buhtt sex?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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