If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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