the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
