the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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