Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
