I'm gonna have a badass scar
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
