Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
