So drunk, too bad you don't want this
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
