If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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