He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
