Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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