i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
