well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
