just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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