yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
