I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize