yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
