Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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