I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize