He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
