Can i not drive my cunt home
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
