Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
