his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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