Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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