i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
