3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She tied me up with her honor cords...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
