Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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