Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
