so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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