you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize