We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
