nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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