Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
