I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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