I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
