my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
