So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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