woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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