Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
