Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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