I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
