do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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