Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
