First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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