i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
