Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize