The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
