just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
