didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
