i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
