you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
