walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
