For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
