yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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