I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
