Your mouth is God's brothel.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
