i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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