I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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