you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
