she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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