My room smells like vodka and shame
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
