Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
