The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
