Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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