If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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