Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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