Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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