You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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