i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
