omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she told me i tasted like america
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i now understand why vodka
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
