Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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