this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
