Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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