I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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