over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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