she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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