Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
