I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
