I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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