cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
