I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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