I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
