i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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