There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
