I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
