I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
