Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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