dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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