I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
